An impress of Manet´s nude.

You know , I´m so called hidden artist inside, for me, each body has a beauty of its forms,how it was made by nature.This beauty fascinates me,in spite of it I don´t think that each body harrates me,it doesn´t facinates me in sexual way.
But I want to create some pictures of it , catch the beauty,enjoy and express not only the joy which you can reach by it ,but the passion, pain or orgasm as well.
I really want to know the answer on that question, why am I so shamed in your company…
May be I´ve got it.
My brain thinks it´s started since my first sexual experience.Because my mind allowed you,men, see a beauty of my nude in spite of the fact you aren´t the artist who´s goinig to paint my figure, therefor you might not be able to see it.
You´ ve just seen the body of mine but not the beauty of my soul.And it shouldn´t happend,cause unless you win knowledge of my soul ,my figure seems little bit unpretty.
Have I ever given you a permission to see my spirit in its naked beauty? I´m not sure so.Cause if I had, I´ve become more spontaneous afterwards but I´m a quite frightened. I supose you aren´t inspirated or fascinated by it – you aren´t an artist.You pay it another attetions. You´re just a man,who´s seen my body and it was common without passion without love.Was it correct?
My brain repeates : it shouldn´t happend.
I don´t understand why I´m shamed cause I saw you were naked too,I watched your beauty, may be some sparks of your spirit as well but I often don´t bealive my eyes and ears!
So the answer is I am shamed because I see only the material not spirit side of myself in your views at me.So I feel I am naked in dressed company likewise that impress of Manet´s nude in the Breakfast in grass.
I don´t want you look at me this way.You might watch my real beauty indeed, may be I haven´t noticed yet or I´ve just waited you´ll prove me one day, you´ve already done.